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We wander around for a bit, talking to kids from school as I plaster a smile on my face, trying not to think about my phone ly- ing on my bed at home, most likely textless.

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Alex never could execute a good comeback. Next to me, Alex clears his throat, but I barely react. Breathe in, two, three, four … Breathe out, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight … Slowly, the voice fades, and blood flows back into my fingers and chest.

Owen, messy-haired and clad in flannel and slim-fit jeans, full of as- trological pomp and circumstance. Pebblebrook can get pretty competitive, especially for people in leadership roles like Owen and Alex, but Alex never gets ruffled.

Like at a raffle or something? I inch toward the ledge, dangling one foot into empty space.

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I press my head against the back of the seat, breathing in through my nose and trying to control how fast I release the exhalation, but it all comes out in a rush of panic. I come because Owen annoys the hell out of me until I agree.

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Can her brother really be guilty of such a violent act? Girl with soft curves and full lips.

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You realize that, right? Let me go find him, okay? Literally snaps into place — click. He and Alex have one of those annoying bro-hate- love relationships. Wait, is she in your pocket?

Even in the dark, I can see him blinking rapidly, his throat bobbing with a hard swallow. This is so not my scene.

Oh, and I lived in Montclair lies. You both have to get used to this new thing between you now.

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This is familiar too, all of his bravado softening into this: Alex has always been something of a puzzle. I stare at my phone for a few more seconds, analyzing my last text to her.

She lifts that bullshit-detector eyebrow of hers. I would absolutely go on a date with a single mom and see where it could lead. He claps Alex on the back and peers up at me. My fingers itch for my phone, my mind already forming another text, just to check on her.

Or she has her phone set on silent.

It just seemed like there was always something standing in the way of us really moving forward. Instead, I make myself stay put, literally press- ing my butt into the roof. How hard is that? He yells and whoops while Hannah tries to get him to shut up with a hand on his mouth.

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I feel numb and on fire all at once. If there is any book you need to read this summer, this is it. I refuse to let Greta get to me.