Dating fear of intimacy, men can be afraid of relationships for a few basic reasons.
They believe that they do not deserve love or support from others.
Family is one thing, but friends are the MOST essential in this. Then from around you, you MUST find people who love and support you.
But love can come from other places: Watch yourself to make sure you aren't making statements that start with, "You make me Grad students dating undergrads is really going on here is that your ability to feel and relate threatens them.
Take for example, one of my patients. We may withdraw in response and become colder in our actions. Learn to communicate to the other person with an easy touch what you think he is feeling and why you think so.
A good exercise is to look at what our partner does that we dislike the most, then think about what we do right before that. As emotions go deeper the other person starts to tread on past wounds and any pain left over from past abandonments.
There is hope for men who are afraid of relationships, but they must be disciplined about trying to change and honest with themselves about how dysfunctional their romantic life has been as a result of their relationship fears.
By extension, the avoidant person has many attractive qualities and the more challenging aspects of this personality may not be obvious until a closer relationship begins to form.
Your lover needs more space than most to feel free. I wish you nothing but peace and the best in the future, and know that you will find the happiness that you are looking for. The cognition behind the anxiety is about being afraid of making mistakes, being incompetent, failing, or being judged on how they carry out partner-social interactions.
A lot of guys have issues with being vulnerable.
Our distressed behaviors may make our partner more critical, perceiving us as weak or clingy, and they may then pull back further. Complicating things is the fact that each person experiences their own set of emotions, and can think of each other as the abandoner or engulfer!
The more you try to convince him of the joy of relating, the more he will retreat from you.
Avoiders fear intimacy yet crave it. What am I afraid of?
To help your lover to become more comfortable in relating intimately to you, you have to change your approach. In other words, why are the so afraid of relationships?
Is the partner filling an emotional hole in your life? To you, falling in love, and into a committed intimate relationship, is what life is all about; your reason to be. Realize that you can be respected and loved even without having to be an over-achiever.